Author: Sal
Ventnor Deadly Creatures … Goons and Evil Turtles
Saturday, 11th February, 2006 at 11:18 am, Isle of Wight
Latest report from the Ventnor Deadly Creatures.
The creatures are now in the lands of the faux hippy and the stoned backpacker…….and the expert surfer…..and the not so expert surfers….byron….interesting scenes of drunken confusion are abound every single night……
In this town the popular cheap drink for getting drunk is the goon……basically its the most piss poor box of wine known to civilised drunks………think along the lines of white lightning…..the goon i have been lead to believe is the bladder bit inside the box wich gets retrieved from the box and has the life squeezed out of it whilst your body writhes around in pure horror at the god awful liquid your about to subject it to………a few boxes of this evil shit gives you the shits and gets you into the shit with a whole array of people and things…bouncers, women, other hopless drunks, doors the floor your own shoes……..el organic has been in various extreme situations on this goon…….
Think haymaker to the face of a friendly canadian…who just wanted a play fight…….imagine the organic one making the huge leap head first down night club stairs……….as well as myself i’m afraid………why not sleep on the beach or bring the beach home, why not crawl through neighbours fence and abuse the noisey swedish pikeys…..why not stay up late pretending to understand everyword the danish stoners are saying………sleep in the streets and in the bushes, dress like a girl…….harass the hippys yippys pippys puppys…….as well as this the surf is good……..the pass(surf break)……bang your ass as hard off the sand as you can, feel your spine being fed through your neck, pray you’re not paralysed……….
To quote a friend “dogs with flippers” every where round these parts commonly known as turtles……….im sure the turtles are EVIL………they have beady eyes……and i don’t trust there shells…………..tonight we go out again dressed up like idiots……after some surf……………after some f**king noodles……..and a box of evil goon……keeping clear of dogs with flippers………….please look after yourselves……..VENTNOR DISHEVELLED CREATURES.
Goon image courtesty of Broken Frontier.
Community, Surfing, Unexpected
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January 13th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
turtle are not evil and they don’t have evil eyes. they have nothing to do with dogs either!
March 28th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Turtles ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DAre YOU SaY THAT!IM GOING TO REPORT YOU TO THE NAOLT!!! THIS IS DEFINETLY NOT A JOKE, AND YOOU WILL GET IN TROUBLE- MABYE EVEN GO TO JAIL!!!!!!!!!
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:58 pm
I find this story very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very offensive, as turles are the coolest animal in the universe, so GET A LIFE!!!!
May 25th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Omg Turtles are amazing harmless creatures and are the cutest things ever
May 28th, 2008 at 4:13 am
turtles are awesome and not evil you guys are idiots turtles are harmless creatures
May 28th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Just to be clear, we at VentnorBlog love turtles too - it was the people sending their report from overseas who think that they’re evil.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Who’d have guessed that the pro-turtle lobby would be quite so vocal?!
btw. Snapping turtles are deeply unpleasant creatures if you happen to get them on a bad day.
September 28th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
you are all idiots if you think turtles are evil they are actually one of the most impressive creatures in the sea if you ever get the chance to observe them then i reccomend that you do
September 28th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
have any of you kept turtles (terrapins)..those cute little ones with red bits on the side of their head grow to the size of large dinner plates and eat ducks. I had two for twenty years. They eat everything. Mine ended up in the pond at Chessington Zoo, but people dump them in ponds and in a very short time every living thing is gone.
I call that pretty evil
September 29th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Someone who lives in Bonchurch told me that he had seen one of these in Bonchurch pond. Not nice!
If you live in Bonchurch and know about this, you should get any turtle/s out before all the fish and ducks are killed.
October 11th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Sal Says:
May 28th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Just to be clear, we at VentnorBlog love turtles too - it was the people sending their report from overseas who think that they’re evil.
^ you say that and YOU were the one who worte this article!
October 11th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
No TurtlesFTW we did _not_ write the article, it was sent in from someone who lives in Ventnor that was travelling, as I clearly stated in the comment above.
November 25th, 2008 at 3:47 am
turtles are the most amazing creatures ever. personally i have three and they all have their own personalities and they are the sweetest turtles ever.