Daft Old Duffer is back. Hear his views on unusual methods of contraception and his favourite of the political wives. Ed

Hold the garlic
I have been reading an article about the rather peculiar methods of contraception various folk swear by. Most of them seeming to me quite incredible – but you could see the reasoning at least.

Garlic, however, floored me. A bit smelly we know, but I failed to work out how it could be contraceptive.

Until I happened to sit directly behind an attractive young maiden on a bus the other day.

Sacre bleu!

No – thank you
On those frequent occasions when I find myself, telephone to ear, following the instructions of an electronic voice, I am careful at the end not to say ‘thank you.’

It’s very hard, I feel rude and ungrateful as I replace the receiver.

But the moment I find myself expressing gratitude to a machine I feel mankind will have lost the upper hand.

Mrs B or Mrs C?
I’ve diligently watched both Labour and Conservative party conferences this year,followed all the speeches and listened to the interviews. There are only two personalities that have made any sort of impression on me.

I can’t decide whether to vote for the comely,elegant and altogether rather tasty Mrs Cameron or her equally fragrant opponent Mrs Brown.

Image: RobyneJay under CC BY-SA 2.0

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